A perfect day???

Today was a new day in my life. A new beginning. I did change the daily schedule of past few months. I forced myself to sleep before three in the morning (I really don't know when i finally went to sleep), woke up at eight. I, after ages, finally managed to see whether my Bai actually cleans the house or not - she ain't that bad :) . Actually, every morning she rings the bell, I open the door in a half drunken state, and then collapse in bed, until she wakes me up before leaving. And then i wonder whether she stayed even for five minutes ( leave alone whether she has cleaned the house or not).
Anyway, Bai was very happy to see me awake, when she came in, and I could actually see her smile when she found no half-filled whisky glass or a can of beer around my bed. And believe you me, that did bring me a new energy to start a good day.
After ages I reached the office at ten. Even the security guards had a weird smile on their face when they saw my car enter the premises so early. And this was the first day in 2008, that i was able to park my car in the basement and not out in the sun (Yay... that was really an acheivement). My team-mates were amazed to see me keep my promise of someday coming to office before ten. Sadly my boss wasn't around to see me come so early :( .
The obvious effect of going against your body clock could be seen as early as noon. I was yawning every other second. Finally I dozed off to sleep in my cubicle after a heavy lunch. Now a point to note is that the fact that my boss wasn't in office did act as a perfect lullaby. When I woke up after say half an hour of sleep, I saw my boss very much there in office, and of all places , right in the next cubicle. But anyway, next half an hour went in damage control.
I finally returned from office at half-past nine and pretty much tired. I had a decent dinner ( which was becuase i did not cook today) and just a couple of drinks with my friends.

As I sit to write this blog, I wonder - Is my life finally back on track??? People in my office hadn't seen me beaming with so much energy in ages, I wasn't more busy than today, I had all the three meals of the day and i didn't drink myself to sleep. Whatelse could I ask for? But then this brain does work in the strangest of ways. Today is a day when I miss White the most. It just feels like I acheived so much in a day that I need to tell White about it all, as I had been doing so, past so many years. Today was a day, when after fully being engrossed in work for an hour or so, I took a break to go to the terrace for a smoke, it felt like everything was normal. It was as it used to be, when i would take a break from work, go to the terrace, and call up White, talk to her, hear her laugh, get back the energy and go back to work. Everything seemed so normal except that I couldn't call up White. Today i really-really miss those mid-night conversations, when we would talk about our day-to-day life, when she would laugh hysterically on my jokes, discuss about movies and books, dream about our marriage, and when four out of five times she would doze off on the phone, when she wouldn't let me keep the phone even if she was half-asleep, when i would whisper "I love you" knowing that she is asleep, hoping her brain dosen't hear these words or else she would wake up but her heart hears it so that she has sweet sweet dreams.

So who says life is fair. I should have been sleeping like a log after such a busy and content kind of day, But here I am, all alone in my bed, ina foetal position ,clinging to my pillow, staring at the silhouette of the fan in the dark, smoking a cigarette, missing White's laughter, missing seeing her sleep, missing her.

Dreams are my reality

the only real kind of real fantasy

illusions are a common thing

I try to live in dreams

it seems as if it's meant to be.

Dreams are my reality

a different kind of reality

I dream of loving in the night

and loving seems alright

although it's only fantasy.