Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Selene Speaks...

There is no reason for this post.

Except that it’s the Phoenix’s blog. Who happens to be my best friend.

Who also happens to be a lazy ass. So if he’s not updating, I will!

And really, since he has honoured me with the name of a Greek goddess (no less!), the least I can do is try and sell him off.

Yeah, in exchange for all that love and good times he’s showered upon me, its time to return the favour, as he has firmly put “Find a girlfriend” as my top responsibility in the roster of friendship.

So here goes. It’s a simple auction ladies. We’re simple people, so we say it as it is.
We will get the Phoenix Boy on stage and you can take a good look. We start bidding, and you can raise your hand and quickly sum up your profile. Since the time’s less and takers many, without further ado, lets get this going! What do you mean why? Up for grabs this lovely guy, I ASSURE you is a catch!

Here comes the Star…


No cat calls please. It distresses him.

Why you ask?? Oh, he’s a shy sort of a guy. He doesn’t mind making them calls though, he’s nice like that.

And you, Maam, leave that t-shirt alone. He’s not taking it off.

Are you guys even serious?? Lets get on with it then.


Ok…what do we have here?? You there in the right corner…..ya the pretty one! Wait a minute, how old are you again?? No darling, 18 year olds are not allowed….no less than 25, do you here me?? We’re not in to cradle snatching.
Aah I see another hand, yes maam…you right there in the front?? Wait a minute, how old are you? 35? Aah, that holds promise…yes yes, the older woman fantasy and all that…wait …you said therapy sessions? He has to help deal with emo issues?? Err…you can check back later…we’re not entertaining emo at this point…

Who else…you yes you maam, in the pink halter…what do you mean an hour?? No lady, you can’t decide after…good lord, what’s with women these days!

And what does the one behind you have to say? A threesome? Err…no thanks. Not quite what we had in mind…

Come on, I need more hands…aah you there, you hold promise. And hot too. Yes, yes, nice smile….going…going…wait a second. What do you mean married? Sorry milady, married women are OUT. You don’t even qualify.
No maam, not even if you’re splitting. The HORROR!

And the one next to you, yes you right there in the black backless top…ugh ….no sister, your hair’s too short. …Hey don’t kill me. If you want to hear the truth, it’s the sight of all that hair on your back….and cover up the butt crack while we’re at it. Ugh.

Yes you, the red haired chick. You look promising….why’re you weeping? On the rebound eh? Deal with it and THEN come back. Women I tell you!

Is there no one there?? You Sir? What are you doing here? Marriage prospects? I am sorry but he’s straight…oh for your daughter you say? No Sir we’re just looking for a girl friend….what do you mean his bank balance? We’re not even answering that question. Get the GIRL here!

Sigh. Where are the women? You lady, yes? What? Are you serious? No he’s not going to give you a credit card, get the hell out of here. I am sorry if we didn’t advertise properly….we’re not selling off a SUGAR DADDY here!

Ummm…the last one…one at the back, yes you. Come closer…we want a better look too. Ahan, here’s something now. Nice hair, check. Long earrirngs too…we like where this is going….wait a minute…you want him to do what? Go on a date where your ex dines with his new chick to make him jealous? Are you even for real?? Out!

What now? NO, not even in exchange for a kiss, you hear me? OUT!

And you lady, I TOLD YOU. LET. GO. OF THE T-SHIRT! I said he’s NOT TAKING IT OFF.

Hmmph. So many women, and the right one’s out of stock. Sigh.

Never mind, the lad is too precious to give off to anyone, so I am keeping him till then!