Monday, September 8, 2008

The one with the Quarter-life crisis

The Phoenix is back!!!!!
So many things happened in last couple of months. So many stories to write about. But maybe later.

    The latest in my life is my quarter-life crisis. I am tired of my boring software job. I want to move out, but the sad part is I don't know where. I have always been sure about what I want in life. And for the first time I don't know the answer to "what next?".
       I never wanted to get into the software field. I gave two and half years of my college life to start up a new company. When I failed at it, I wasn't disheartened. I knew I had White with me. I took up the first job that I got. The logic was to get married to White and settle down. I was happy with my job because it payed better than average s/w firms and the job was not so boring as other s/w jobs. 
          Now, White is no more in my life. It took me more than five months to get over the relationship and the pain.  And by the time I realised that I am not doing the kind of work I have always wanted to do, I had already spent two years of my professional life in this firm. 
        The big question is - Where do i go from here? Two years of s/w job and a degree in Computer Science from IIT don't leave me with much option. And I cannot explain to people why I was stuck in the s/w industry  when I never wanted to be a part of it. For the first time in my life my college degree has become the heaviest load.
        Now I am trying to apply for an MBA, not to earn another degree, but to negate my two years of experience and my college degree. And just like everything else going awry in 2008, I screwed up my GMAT.
        People ask me which line do I want to go to. I have no answers. They ask me what kind of job I want? Well, All I know is I need a job where I meet a lot of people, learn from them, see the business side of things, enjoy heavy work-load. And by the time I am finished with my description I find myself sounding like a kid who has just joined college.
        The only thing I am sure about is that I need to resign from my current job. That will again leave me with two options. One - I change my line, start from the bottom, and work my ass off to rise and shine. Flip side is I won't be paid as much as I am being paid in the current job. Also, I don't know whether I will be able to shine even if I work hard. Second option is to join another s/w firm, get a great hike as compared to my current salary and be content. But will that money make me happy? I do love money - but at what cost? Will it not be the same kind of life again??
          I just don't know what to do. I want to take risk - I have done that all my life . But where do i go? What line do I choose? In the past I have counselled so many people to take risk and to follow what their heart says. I have always believed that one should always know what one wants out of life. And here I am - having no clue about life.

   Anyhoo,among other things, I need to
      - go slow on alcohol and smoking. Well, maybe that will happen when I change my job and will have less of free time. I AM SHAMELESS. 
     - start playing some sport again. 
     - tidy up my flat.  
     - play more on my Nintendo WII
     - finish up my essays for B-school applications
     - Leave comments on blogs that I read
     - Be regular with my blog.

Till then let me hate my life!!!!!!!