Life Afresh????

So it turned out to be those weekends when you drink, drink and yes drink. I remember White ( the "She" of my life) telling me the four or five questions that determine whether you are an alcoholic or not. And even then i came close to being one:) , though i was definately not one. But at present i do feel like i am turning into one. And the symptoms..
- I rush back from office so that i can open up the bottle.
- I love drinking in the morning or afternoon( of course on weekends)
- People around me keep telling me to cut it down.
- Ofcourse i have started enjoying drinking alone.

Maybe i have turned into an alcoholic ( i still doubt though), but thanks to the early onset of summer in Delhi, i will soon be shifting to beer. It has the added benefit that i will gain weight. That gets me to ponder, my weight is back to what it was when i was in college and before White proposed to me and we officially became a couple. I gained some 10-12 kgs in the past 2-3 years. But i am back to square one. Does love help you gain weight - I wonder. That probably explains why people get fat after marriage.
Anyway now since i am all alone, i must prove this theory wrong and gain some weight. But this requires a lot of effort. I will have to 1.) hit the gym ( i have somehow always considered gyming as physical labour for which you are not even paid - playing any sport is anyday more fun), 2.) Become a complete cook - somehow i have got the crazy idea in my head to cook for myself and not get a cook after moving alone to my new apartment. Now that means i will have to also cook nutritious food for me and all that crap, 3.) i definately have to buy a fridge to stock beer, cheese, butter, eggs, salami etc..

There are some more to-do lists that i need to as a step to move forward in life
- Get back to my reading habbits . Its so hard to get a book in hand. It reminds me of White and how we had dreamt of having a room full of books in our dream house and how all our friends used to freak out on our love for books.
- Be regular for squash and maybee badminton on weekends. Or will it be Tennis and cricket on weekends . Bloody confusing if you love playing all these games.
- Buy shoes and slippers.
- Buy clothes
- cut down on whisky and get to beer
- cut down on smoking( though i don't see the urge to do so)
- Get serioulsy involved in my project at office
- will this list evr end . i am not putting down any more to-dos

People say starting life afresh is a wonderful experience. Even i believed so. But i tell you its not. Its just a diversion, a compromise with life. How i wish i didn't have to start live afresh. Read in the paper today that its not bad to fall in love and then fall out of it. It leaves you with a rich experience and all that crap. The article did pose a question - Is it better to fall in love and fall out of it than to never fall in love? I don't have the answer to it. Yes all these years were the best in life. Nobody could have been happier than me. But if it had to end this way then wouldn't it have been better that it never happened. I will say maybe its White's fault. Had she not been so awesome, life without her would have been bearable. I don't know whether i was her perfect guy or not, but i always knew that even if i had got into an arranged marriage with her, with no love around, even then i know she would have been the perfect one for me. I know nobody will match her awesomeness. She was made for me. But yes ideal things are not present in the real world. Idealness is what you wish for and aim to achieve, you may come close to reaching it but you never achieve idealness.

I envy not in any moods
The captive void of noble rage,
The linnet born within the cage,
That never knew the summer woods;
I envy not the beast that takes
His license in the field of time,
Unfetter’d by the sense of crime,
To whom a conscience never wakes;
Nor, what may count itself as blest,
The heart that never plighted troth
But stagnates in the weeds of sloth;
Nor any want-begotten rest.
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘T is better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.