The one with the Quarter-life crisis

The Phoenix is back!!!!!

So many things happened in last couple of months. So many stories to write about. But maybe later.

    The latest in my life is my quarter-life crisis. I am tired of my boring software job. I want to move out, but the sad part is I don't know where. I have always been sure about what I want in life. And for the first time I don't know the answer to "what next?".

       I never wanted to get into the software field. I gave two and half years of my college life to start up a new company. When I failed at it, I wasn't disheartened. I knew I had White with me. I took up the first job that I got. The logic was to get married to White and settle down. I was happy with my job because it payed better than average s/w firms and the job was not so boring as other s/w jobs. 

          Now, White is no more in my life. It took me more than five months to get over the relationship and the pain.  And by the time I realised that I am not doing the kind of work I have always wanted to do, I had already spent two years of my professional life in this firm. 

        The big question is - Where do i go from here? Two years of s/w job and a degree in Computer Science from IIT don't leave me with much option. And I cannot explain to people why I was stuck in the s/w industry  when I never wanted to be a part of it. For the first time in my life my college degree has become the heaviest load.

        Now I am trying to apply for an MBA, not to earn another degree, but to negate my two years of experience and my college degree. And just like everything else going awry in 2008, I screwed up my GMAT.

        People ask me which line do I want to go to. I have no answers. They ask me what kind of job I want? Well, All I know is I need a job where I meet a lot of people, learn from them, see the business side of things, enjoy heavy work-load. And by the time I am finished with my description I find myself sounding like a kid who has just joined college.

        The only thing I am sure about is that I need to resign from my current job. That will again leave me with two options. One - I change my line, start from the bottom, and work my ass off to rise and shine. Flip side is I won't be paid as much as I am being paid in the current job. Also, I don't know whether I will be able to shine even if I work hard. Second option is to join another s/w firm, get a great hike as compared to my current salary and be content. But will that money make me happy? I do love money - but at what cost? Will it not be the same kind of life again??

          I just don't know what to do. I want to take risk - I have done that all my life . But where do i go? What line do I choose? In the past I have counselled so many people to take risk and to follow what their heart says. I have always believed that one should always know what one wants out of life. And here I am - having no clue about life.

   Anyhoo,among other things, I need to

      - go slow on alcohol and smoking. Well, maybe that will happen when I change my job and will have less of free time. I AM SHAMELESS. 

     - start playing some sport again. 

     - tidy up my flat.  

     - play more on my Nintendo WII

     - finish up my essays for B-school applications

     - Leave comments on blogs that I read

     - Be regular with my blog.

Till then let me hate my life!!!!!!!

Boredom killed the bird

I have shocked myself by putting up a new post. The way I run my life, methought it would be at least couple of months more before I came up with another post. But as fate would have it, my boss took-off from office after lunch, which means I have 4-5 hours to spend and nothing much to do. So why not update the blog.

Well, readers would be thinking that I usually don't get time in office to indulge in anything other than office work. But people who know me, are very well aware that I just don't work. My firm pays me only for signing the attendance register. And if you don't believe me, you can log on to gtalk and you will be entertained all throughout the day - but of course you won't have so much of a free time.

But I believe that my monthly pay is my hard-earned money. This is because it takes a lot of effort to act that you are busy and you are working. You will say what crap, but this is how it works

• You have to stay in office for 6-8 hours, doing nothing yet not dozing-off
• You have to be as good with the keyboard as was Beethoven with the piano. Otherwise, you cannot simultaneously chat with 3-5 people, keep shuffling between orkut,facebook and blogs, and find yourself typing lines of code every time you see your boss passing you by.
• You should always a have ready list of pending work, so that people don't bug you with their problems.
• You have to entertain your team-members at lunch table or at coffee/sutta breaks so that these sessions don't end up in a jiffy and people head back to their work.
• And your life becomes all the more difficult if you boss is a workaholic.
  

So yes, I do earn my money the hard way.

Now normally( or should I say once in a blue moon), when by boss leaves early, I head to Geoffrey's for a couple of bottles of beer. But my partner in crime got married a week back, and he is abstaining form such activities for the time being. So here I am updating my blog.

I suddenly realised that my life is a perfect pitch for a perfect husband of a working girl.

• Office hours - 12 noon to 6-7 pm. Which gives him 18 hours to do the daily chores
• Will be readily available during office hours if you feel bored and need a conversation over the phone
  
• Knows how to to cook.
• Knows how to drive so you don't need a driver to drop you to office or to take you to market
  
• Has envious collection of movies and music.
  
• Loves to spend.
• Doesn't carry his work to home
  
• Above all, contributes to the family earnings.

I wish I was a girl - I would have married myself ;(

I should better end the post now. I don't want it to turn into a more weirdly-unrelated-crap than it already is.

P.S. - Two hours still to go.

P.P.S - 1.5 hours.
.............
* Boredom kills phoenix*

Songs about rain

I loved the rains. It was my favourite season/weather. When I was a kid, I used to sit in my balcony, and watch the rainfall for hours. I just loved the sight of rain-water flooding the garden, a heavy stream flowing through the drains, people taking shelter inside the house under construction which was right across the street, the dark clouds, the lightening, in fact I loved just everything. If I were in school, I would make sure that I go out and play in the rains and get completely drenched. Even in college, my favorite days were the first monsoon rain. It was a pretty sight.

Rain had a special place in my relationship with White. I met White for the first time , when I was in sixth grade. I was representing my school in some Maggie quiz and White was representing hers. We were travelling in the same bus to reach the venue. And it rained all the day long. The most prominent memory of our first meeting was the rains.
White joined my school in 11th grade. That was when I ended up having a crush on her. And I remember those rainy days, when we were forced to stay back in the class in those free periods, which meant a chat session with White and her friends. Or after school, when I would purposely pass by her side drenching in the rain, when she would offer me to come under her umbrella (it was stupid and kiddish yet sweet).
When she proposed to me on the phone, I remember standing in the balcony watching the drizzle outside.
And it was raining on our first date . We went for a movie on her scooty (she would say its not a scooty its Activa). By the time we reached the theatre we were both wet. And it rained the whole day, and the next few days. Every day we would get wet and would end up in Barista , shivering, with coffee.
Whenever it rained, I would call her up (even if she was hundreds of miles away) , and we would dream of the time when we could enjoy the rains together in our balcony. So many memories .....

Its raining here today. And I hate it. I feel like throwing-up every minute. Every minute brings back those beautiful memories. And I cannot call her and tell her about the rain. And I realize that we will never ever be able to share the moment together. Will this ever end? I know there will be many more rainy days in my life. I know every time it would remind me of her. And I know it will leave me nauseated.

I HATE IT. I HATE THE RAINS.

Well this town has closed down, way too early
And there's nothing to do
So I'm driving around in circles
And I'm thinking about you
Today I heard you got a new last name
I sure didn't know it was gonna hit me this way
And the radio just keeps on playing all these
Songs About Rain...

Now there's all kinds of songs about babies
and love that goes right,
But for some unknown reason
Nobody wants to play them tonight,
Hey, I hope it's sunny wherever you are
That's sure not the picture, tonight in my car
And it sure ain't easin' my pain
All these songs like...

"Rainy Night In Georgia"
and "Kentucky Rain"
"Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again",
"Blue Eyes Cryin" in the "Early Morning Rain"
They go on and on, and there's no two the same
Oh it would be easy to blame all these
Songs About Rain

Well, I thought I was over you
But I guess maybe I'm not
'Cause when I let you go
Looks like lonely is all that I got
I guess I'll never know what could have been
it sure ain't helping this mood that I'm in
If they're gonna keep on playin these songs like...

"Rainy Night In Georgia"
and "Kentucky Rain"
"Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again",
"Blue Eyes Cryin" in the "Early Morning Rain"
They go on and on, and there's no two the same
Oh how I wish I could blame all these
Songs About Rain

All these Songs About Rain...

- Garry Allan - Songs about rain

...into the shining sun

Why is it that you don't believe it until you see it? And when you see it, you wish that you hadn't.

White got married on 20th. But there was no special gloom on that day. Or maybe arrival of the parents took away any chance of such an event. The thought remained at the back of the mind but never really came to the front until the other day.
I opened my orkut account and I saw the list of updates of people in my friends list. And there it was. A set of fourteen pictures of White's marriage. Her husband ( how strange it sounds) had supposedly put up the pictures of the marriage. And believe you me, curiosity does indeed kill the cat. I peeped into the album and then it really struck me. Till that time, there was a stupid, impossible but faint hope that maybe they didn't get married. But now I had visual proofs. It was all there. Each photo, telling a tale of its own, telling me it could have been me in the pictures, reminding me of all the dreams that we had dreamt together of how our marriage would be. Those photos will always be there to remind me of what I have missed.
Anyhoo, for one last time I must say this to myself - Now its finally the time to move on. May White have a great married life. Its time to bring back the spices and cook a new life for me.
And as the song goes

I took a heavenly ride through our silence

I knew the moment had arrived

For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence

I knew the waiting had begun

And headed straight..into the shining sun

One of the better tags

This was an im-promtu tag for me in one of the parties ( not to mention that i was drunk when i took it). I vaguley remember what my anwers were, but i want to take it again. I had promised the person who introduced me to the tag, that i will put his/her link on the post whenever i take this tag. But, i want to say sorry to him/her because I want to keep my anon. thing going. So here it goes:

Rules of the tag : Various situations are given. You have to come up with a song( or set of songs) that aptly describe the particular situation in your life.

Your Life: The Soundtrack

Opening credits: main huun DON

Waking up : if i were a carpenter/ ring of fire

Average day: main zindagi ka saath nibhata chula gaya

First date :My heart is beating/ kuch kuch hota hai/ tera mujhse hai pehle ka naata koi

Falling in love : You fill up my senses(Annie's song)/ time's a wastin'/pal pal dil ke paas

Love scene: Making love out of nothing at all

Fight scene: i get knocked down(tubthumping)

Breaking up: Baat niklegi toh duur talak jaayegi / din dhal jaaye/ mera kuch samaan

Getting back together: Coming back to life

Secret love : pretty woman

Life's okay : Turn the page

Mental breakdown : yaad aa rahi hai

Driving : yeh raasta hai zindagi/paradise city/

Learning a lesson : turn the page

Deep thought : in the dangling conversation

Flashback : Tum se hi/ pal pal dil ke paas

Partying : Roadhouse blues

Happy dance : Whole Lotta Love

Regretting : yeh shaam fir nahi aayegi/wish you were here

Long night alone: sound of silence

Death scene : yeh duniya agar mil bhi jaaye

Closing credits : comfortably numb/whisky lullaby

Now, let me tell you readers these songs may not be the apt ones, but these are the ones currently going in my mind . i will definately update this blog from time to time to make it more true and apt.

And now time to play the devil.

I tag

1. Moo
2. Pri
3. Muggermuch ( i know you won't be taking this up .. but what the hell, i will give it a shot )
4. Avani ( if you have a blog )
5. anyone who wants to take it
   

Biryani Nights

Its been a month since I started cooking. Whenever you start cooking, you dream of cooking something exotic right from day one. One of such dishes on my wishlist was Kashmiri Mutton Biryani. So last week I finally decided to try my luck. But mind you, for a lazybone like me, the gestation period for any trivial task goes into weeks. Like, it took me three weeks to finally buy a running shoes that i needed for my gym and squash. And its been more than a month since i decided that i should join a gym and resume playing squash. It took me more than a month to get up early and go to office before noon.

To cook the biryani I needed to do a little bit of shopping. And it took me five days before I finally ended up shopping for the ingredients. And what an experience it was. Imagine a young guy going to a shop (famous for stocking various kinds of spices) which is full of species from the Venus-land. This is how it went

Me: Bhaiya kaun kaun se masale hote hain
( It was as if i had asked "aapke paas kaun kaun se condom hain" , because suddenly all eyes focussed on me as if I was the shop-jester for the night)
guy behind the counter(GBTC) : (with a smirk) aapko kaun se masale chahiye
Me: Mujhe maloom hota toh kya main aapse yeh poochta ki masale kitne tarah ke hote hain
GBTC : Humare paas 100 se bhi zyada masale hain.
( realising that this conversation was not going anywhere i tried recollecting all the ingredients from the recipe i picked from the net)
Me : Laung, Ilaichi, sheh-zeera, cardamon ,cinnamon ...
GBTC :(interrupting) carmom,chinmom kya hota hai
Me : Arre hadd karte ho, maloom hota toh bolta na hindi mein
GBTC : yahaan bahut customer hain, aap pata karke aayeeye ki aapko kya chaahiye
( Now I was on the verge of losing my temper, when suddenly the owner of the shop - an old lady, came to my rescue)
The old lady( TOL) : Beta cardamon bole toh ilaichi, cinnamon bole toh dal-chini. Waise tum kya bananae waale ho?
Me : Aunty abhi tak toh biryani banane ki koshish kar raha tha, par lagta nahi ki banega.
TOL : Koi nahi main batati huun kya kya masala chahiye.
( then she orders GBTC to get a list of things which i had no clue of)
Me: ( trying not to be naive)Aunty, mujhe kesar bhi chahiye.
TOL: Beta, kesar sone ke bhav ka bikta hai
Me : (snobbishly) haan aunty suna hai mehenga hai, par koi baat nahi
TOL: Tum samjhe nahi, mehenga nahi , actually sone ke bhav ka hota hai kesar, 240 Rs mein 1 gram.
( That was like a bomb dropping on my head. Took me time before i recovered)
Me: ( the sound barely coming from my throat) accha aunty 1 gram hi de dijiye.
........

So finally i was done with all the shopping. But when i reached home, i saw that my net connection was gone and i had forgot to save the page. Again i had to wait for 2 more days before the connection was restored.
Yesterday, after refusing two tasty dinner invitations and with a resolve to conquer the elusive world of cooking , I came back at 11 in the night to cook my Kashmiri mutton biryani.

This is how it progressed at midnight
This was the mutton being prepared before the biryani with all the "carmoms" and "chinmoms in it"





And this is how it looked at 1:30 am




And to be very frank for a first timer it was awesome. And I believe in 2-3 attempts, i will become a master of kasmiri mutton biryani.



And my parents, when they come in May, are in for a serious surprise :D. And just to prove that it was really edible, I had the left over as dinner tonight .....and it was still amazing.

Tag -eh!!!

So I was gone for long. Blame the Internet provider.
Anyway, I have been tagged for quite sometime by Moo, and since its my first tag, i should oblige. So here it goes ...

Ten things you wish you could say to people right now (without taking their names):

1. Why did it have to happen to us.
2. I am happy that I don't believe that you exist and if you do, then I don't care
3. Thank you for helping me get back to things I loved to do and was scared to do them ever.
4. Even if we were the best of friends, this is a new start to a never-ending friendship.
5. I always feared that you were better than me and you proved me wrong, but I hope that you live up to the expectations of the people who believe in you.
6. I hope you get all that you dreamed of and never got.
7. I hate to hate you and i love that i love you
8. This time around i will definitely exceed your expectations
9. Get married for heaven's sake.
10. Thank you for everything.

Nine things about yourself:

1. I love playing/watching any kind of sport.
2. I need the music to be playing even if i am in the shower
3. A non-vegetarian to the core.
4. I am a confused bloke when it comes to forming an impression of a person, but when i do its impossible to change it.
5. I am a social person but I can survive without people for days, provided i have Internet, books and movies
6. I find 8/10 people i meet to be dumb and boring
7. I will open up a theme restaurant at 35
8. I suck when it comes to saving money
9. Over the years I have realised that alcohol is my babe.

Eight ways to win your heart:

I will skip this one because to win my heart you will have to compete with White and as of now it will be equivalent to Napoleon looking for the only word that's missing in his dictionary. :P

Seven things that cross your mind a lot:

1. Will I be able to start a life without White.
2. I need to join the gym
3. I need to get the parking in the office basement.
4. Am i doing justice to my career?
5. Am I drinking today?
6. When will I pay all my credit card bills
7. I need to buy a couch, a TV stand, a nice stereo for my car, an apartment ......

Six things you wish you never did:

1. Work for somebody else
2. Let White slip away from me
3. Get back to smoking after quitting it for good
4. Try to be good to people when i should have given them my piece of mind
5. Choose the college where i did my graduation
6. Lend books

Five Turn offs:

1. bad food
2. smelly creatures
3. people with poor sense of humour
4. A bad movie/book
5. short hair

Four turn ons:

1. alcohol/coffee
2. well-read people
3. a particular brand of perfume
4. rain

Three things you want to do before you die:

1. Open up a restaurant
2. Watch all the Formula one races/watch Inter Milan vs AC Milan/watch Lakers match
3. Bungee-jumping/sky-diving/surfing

Two smileys that describe you:

1. :P
2. :D

One confession:

This one kept me thinking for 15 minutes, and all my sins flashed in front of my eyes, and now I won't love myself till tomorrow morning :( .But just for the heck of the tag let me put a lame confession which doesn't sound like a confession : I don't believe in god.

I don't tag anyone as all you people who read my blog have already taken up this one or have stopped updating your blogs.