My Married Life

Yes, It will be 3 years on 3rd of July. And what a journey it has been. A sinusoidal waveform I would say. I write this post because I feel that it won't last long. And my Other Half(OH) knows it too. Its just that OH wants to live in denial.

Here are some random conversation which should give you a fair idea of our relationship.

Converstaion 1

OH : You are not spending enough time with me
Me : Yes, I was busy all of last week with work.
OH : I am not talking about last week. I am talking about last three months
Me : You cannot blame me. I don't find the marriage interesting anymore.
OH : Is there something going on in your personal life
Me : What has personal life got to do with marriage. And for the record nothing is going on.
OH : you can tell me you know.
Me : (exasperated) No there's nothing going on. I will try to spend more time.


*****************************************************
Conversation 2

Me : I won't be home on Monday
OH : Okay.
(and just when I am about to leave)
OH : Why , may I ask?
Me : I am going to Bangalore.
OH : (with a resigned look and fearing a new love interest in my life) Why?
Me : Cousin's marriage.
OH : (sigh of relief) Okay.
This was followed by normal quizzical questions like when is the marriage, when is my flight etc.


*****************************************************

I was having a chat with Selene (see you got your nick on the blog) the other day on the phone. FYI - Selene is my relationship advisor and knows everything that goes between OH and me

Me : I am not on talking terms with OH.
S : kya hua?
Me : Kuch nahi. OH said some things which did not feel right.
S : So did you discuss with OH
Me : No, we are royally ignoring each-other.

20 minutes later I sms Selene
Me : OH just asked me to have lunch together.
S : Are you going?
Me : Have to. But I am not liking the idea. Humara jhagdha khatam ho jaayega.
S : Kyun?
Me : You know we always end-up patching up over the lunch.
S : Free mein mat maan jaana. maang le jo bhi maangna hai.
Me : You know me. Dil humara bahut jaldi gir jaata hai daffatan. Hum fisal jaayenge like always.

And my dear readers that is what happened after 40 minutes of lunch :)


********************************************************

And here's another one. Again on the phone with Selene
Me : I am just tired of this marriage.
S : Ab kya hua?
Me : OH is pressurizing me again for the "issue" thing.
S : Toh problem kya hai?
Me : I don't want it now. And knowing that we will soon part ways , it's just not right.
Me : I am thinking of getting vasectomy done. Na rahega baans na bajegi bansoori.
S : That's not right. Why don't you file for a divorce. Go for a mutual and agreeable seperation
Me : That's not happening. I cannot go for a divorce unless I find someone else. You know about the pressures of family and society.
S : Hmmm. And why can't you find greener pastures
Me : The time is not right. And to look for a comaptible relationship is not easy these days.

And its not that I am hiding anything from OH. I have already informed OH that I will move on from this marriage whenever I get into a relationship where my heart is. Till then , both of us are leading a life of convinience. I am living with a hope to find the greener pastures and OH with a hope that things will change and I will never leave.

But truth be told, I do miss my Other Half (i.e. my boss at office) whenever he is on a leave. I am sure I won't have a better boss, but ist just that my hatred for my job sometimes affects my relationship with my "Other Half". :P

I dedicate this poem by Sunil Jogi to my "Other Half"

mushkil hai apna mail priye,
ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,

tum MA 1st division ho, main hua matric phel priye,
mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,


tum fauji afsar ki beti, main to kisaan ka beta hoon,
tum rabadi kheer malai ho, main to sookha sapreta hoon,
tum AC ghar mein rehti ho, main ped ke neeche leta hoon,
tum nayi maruti lagti ho, main scooter lambreta hoon,
is kadar agar hum chup-chup kar aapas me prem badhayenge,
to ek roz tere daddy Amrish Puri ban jaaenge,
sab haddi pasli tod mujhe bhijwaa denge vo jail priye,
mushkil hai apna mail priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,


tum arab desh kee ghodi ho, main hoon gadahe ki naal priye,
tum deewali ka bonus ho, main bhookho ki hadtaal priye,
tum heere jadi tashtari ho, main aluminium ka thaal priye,
tum chicken-soop biryani ho, main kankad waali daal priye,
tum hiran-chaokadi bharti ho, main hoon kachhue ki chaal priye,
tum chandan-wan ki lakdi ho, main hoon babool ki chhaal priye,
main pake aam sa latka hoon, mat maaro mujhe gulel priye,
mushkil hai apna mail priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,


main shani-dev jaisa kuroop, tum komal kanchan kaya ho,
main tan-se man-se Kanshi Ram, tum maha chanchala maya ho,
tum nirmal paawan ganga ho, main jalta hua patanga hoon,
tum raaj ghaat ka shanti march, main hindu-muslim danga hoon,
tum ho poonam ka taajmahal, main kaali gufa ajanta ki,
tum ho vardaan vidhata ka, main galti hoon bhagvanta ki,
tum jet vimaan ki shobha ho, main bus ki thelam-thel priye,
mushkil hai apna mail priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,


tum nai videshi mixie ho, main patthar ka silbatta hoon,
tum AK-saintalis jaisi, main to bas desi katta hoon,
tum chatur Rabadi Devi si, main bhola-bhala Lalu hoon,
tum mukt sherni jungle ki, main chidiyaghar ka bhaalu hoon,
tum vyast Sonia Gandhi si, main V.P.Singh sa khali hoon,
tum hansi Madhuri Dixit ki, main policeman ki gaali hoon,
kal jail agar ho jaaye to dilwa dena tum bail priye,
mushkil hai apna mail priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,


main dhabe ke dhaanche sa hun, tum paanch sitara hotel ho,
main mahue ka desi tharra, tum red-label ki botal ho,
tum chitra-haar ka madhur geet, main krishi-darshan ki jhaadi hoon,
tum vishva-sundari si kamaal, main theliya chaap kabadi hoon,
tum sony ka mobile ho, main telephone waala chonga,
tum machhli maansarovar ki, main hun saagar tat ka ghongha,
dus manzil se gir jaaooga, mat aage mujhe dhakel priye,
mushkil hai apna mail priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,


tum satta ki maharani ho, main vipaksha ki lachaari hoon,
tum ho mamta-Jailalita si, main kwara Atal-Bihari hoon,
tum Tendulkar ka shatak priye, main follow on ki paari hoon,
tum getz, matiz, corolla ho main Leyland ki lorry hoon,
mujhko refree hi rehne do, mat khelo mujhse khel priye,
mushkil hai apna mel priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye,
main soch raha ki rahe hain kabse, shrota mujhko jhel priye,
mushkil hai apna mail priye, ye pyar nahin hai khel priye

Ten ten-a-ten ten

Chandu tagged me for this. I generally skip tags but since I am so busy in office today, I had to do it. :(

1. is the packet of cigarettes I smoke everyday. :P
   
2. is the AM I go to sleep every night. I have one more on this. 2 is the number of hours I work in office.
   
3. is the number of years I will complete in my first job in July. Koi bachaa lo. looks left,then right and then drowns in shame
   
4. is the number of chocolates that have been cut from Chandu's quota of chocolates for making a lazybone like me do the tag.
5. is the maximum number of push-ups, I think, I can do. Its also the number of games that I can play very well.(Cricket,basketball,volleyball,badminton, dumb-charades) sings "collar ko thoda upar utha ke"
   
6. is the number of drinks(read whisky) till which I can guarantee 100% sobriety.
   
7. is the average number of cups of coffee I generally drink everyday. Believe me, it took a lot of calculation to come to this figure.
8. are the number of years left for me to open up my dream restaurant.
9. is the number of Asterix&Obelix I need to buy to complete the set. Peoples kya aap suntee. Mere ko gift kartee, main aapko return gift me chocolates/ice-creams/brownies detee.
   
10. is number of different types of single-malt whisky I want to keep in my bar.

Now my turn to play the devil. I tag everyone who has ever left a comment on my blog or is reading this particular post. If you don't do this tag then you will be hit by the following curse:

"Thou shalt never enjoy a drink
Thou wilt never enjoy ghar ka khana
Thou shalt hate books & comics
Thous shall hate movies."

So dare you skip this tag !!!

The Great Experiment

Well, we were having a party at my place. And we were playing song-request game. The game was that everyone takes turn to play a song which he/she hasn't heard in ages and is a favorite.

So my friend's sister wanted to play a song that she couldn't remember. All she remembered was that the song featured Smita Patil in a yellow frock along with Sanjeev Kumar and some other "side"-y hero. Everyone wracked their brains but nothing came up. Finally, yours truly picked up the laptop and this is what happened.

Aim of the Experiment              : Find the song

Information given                       : Smita Patil - yellow frock - Sanjeev Kumar

Apparatus used                           : Internet

Experiment and Observations  :

   1.   Ask google "smita patil yellow frock sanjeev kumar"
         - ABORT
  2.   Ask google "Smita patil sanjeev kumar movies"
        - ABORT
  3.   Go to IMDB - search for smita patil - go through her movies and see cast
        - Too many movies - ABORT
  4.   Ask youtube "smita patil yellow frock"
       - ABORT ( you don't want to know the kind of results that came up)
  5.   Ask youtube "smita patil sanjeev kumar"
         BINGO - "Baton mein na talo jee... dil de dalo jee"

Time taken          : time taken to cook Maggie

Inference             : And that's why I want to make a career out of internet-media

Q.E.D.

P.S. - Do you have any songs in your mind that you want to search and you have insufficient information about ? Contact The White Phoenix :)

Confessions of a guilty-mind

After getting heavy traffic on my blog due to this and also this, the responsible blogizen in me has woken up and I have got a confession to make. Yes, I am looking for a girl-friend/wife. But I must tell my readers that I am already dating a girl. Her name is Alcy . She is so awesome that I cannot live without her. And I don't intend to dump her even if I find my perfect mate. She is every man's dream. And I have a duty to tell you all why she is so irresistible and awesome . Here it is.

• You won't miss her ever because she is always
  around
• She really doesn't burn a hole in your
  wallet. NoBarista No gifts. Happy with masala-papad, peanut-masala and Haldiram bhujia. In short, total low-maintenance.
  
• The dresses she wears will bowl you over any day. And when you are with her she prefers see-throughs. Imagine!!!!!!
  
• She will never ever complain about your choice of music. In fact
  whenever you are with her, she prefers that your favourite numbers are
  being played.
• She is there for you when you are
  happy, sad, celebrating, tired, exhausted.
• She doesn't
  complain when you are glued on to the TV watching some sports. On the
  contrary she prefers being with you by your side and enjoying every
  moment.
• She takes care of you, makes you eat and
  drink a lot after an intense love-making session. A word of caution
  here - if you dare not to listen to her, you will definitely end up with
  a heavy head in the morning.
• She gels-in well with
  your friends. In fact all your male friends become her fan right in the
  first meeting.
• She is not the jealous or possessive
  kind. She is okay you if you have a fling at her sisters once in a
  while but if you two-time her with her sisters , its you who gets
  screwed.
• The love is pure. She never cares about
  your bank-balance or your social status
• If you
  smoke,
  she won't make you quit it.In fact she loves the smoky environment when
  you two cozy-up.
• One of the best kissers. She
  gives you a new high every time she kisses you.

Without further ado I introduce to you to my "oh so perfect" girlfriend - the hot, the sexy, the sizzling beauty Miss Alcy , aka Miss Alcohol aka Miss booze aka apni Daaru Darling.

Alcyeeeeeeeeeeeee AAYEEEE LAV EWWWWW
*Runs towards her Hindi-movie style in slow-motion with arms-spread, gleam in the eyes, mouth open etc etc.... *

Ladies and ledas !! We announce the all new recipe of the day

Seeing the awful food at the lunch table today ...

ME : What a nutritious lunch
MANAGER1 : What a colorful lunch
MANAGER2 : Especially the "psychedelic green" chutney

.. silence ... contemplation in the air .. when suddenly

ME : Do we have a dish which is blue in color

.... wracking of brains ...

M1 : Baingan ki sabzee if you don't peel the chilka
ME : naah
M2 : Baingan is purple ... psychedelic purple

..... we wonder what's with M2 and psychedelia

M1 : I am sure French cuisine must be having something blue

.. a pause ... nodding of heads in agreement

M2 : Or Japanese ... their food is full of colors.
ME : (to myself) Thank God he didn't say "full of psychedelic colors"

.... a little more wracking of brains

ME : I want to make Blue rice/biryani/pulao. How do you make a blue rice without adding color.

.... The imaginary "psychedelic red" buzzer-bulb on M2's head blinks. We stare at M2

ME2 : That's easy!!! Beat the rice.
ME : Voila!!!
Since rice doesn't have eyes, so after we beat it, it won't turn black & blue.
We have successfully invented the "beaten-up blue rice".

Fhalsafa

I had to put this one here...

Friend's status message on facebook
- "jo guzar jaati hai bas uspe guzar karte hain"

(a line from an awesome song where the lyrics goes like ...
raah pe rahate hai, yaadon pe basar karate hai
khush raho yehale watan hum to safar karate hai
jal gaye jo dhoonp mein to saayaa ho gaye
aasamaan kaa koee konaa, thodaa so gaye
jo gujar jaatee hain bas us pe gujar karate hai)

Reply from another friend
- "Iss baat mein se agar fhalsafa(philosphy) hata diya jai.... toh usko geedhh(eagle) kee aatmakatha bhi bola jaa sakta hai"

Debut "Match"

Its been a long long time since I put up a post. Many things have happened in these two months. To start with is the whole process of arranged marriage. Yes, you heard it right!!!

Life never stops from springing up new surprises. Today, I met a girl for an informal chit-chat - one of those those things when the guy and the girl meet-up and try to find out whether they can be a prospective match for life or not. And the best part about the whole thing is 15th Feb 2008 I was to get married to White, and 15th Feb 2009 is the day when I start meeting girls for marriage. How more ironical can life get.

Someone once asked me whether I believe in the concept of "arranged-marriage" or not. And all I could do was laugh at it. Yes, there was a time when I found the whole concept, rather stupid. But you never know what's coming next. The year started with my parents asking me whether they should start looking for a girl or not. And I had no reasons to say no. This is how the situation is :

- I am from a family where nobody has gone for a love-marriage. I was turning out to be an exception but that didn't happen. It's not that my family is against love-marriage but they would prefer an arranged-marriage anyday.

- People ask "what's the hurry - Wait till you find the right girl". I , being all logical and stuff, gave it a serious thought. And this is what I realised. To wait for the right girl, you must meet one. But for that to happen you should have a social-life where you meet a lot of new people and if you are lucky you will meet your match. But my social life isn't like that. There are no girls in office so you rule out office-romance( unless I do change my job :) ). In my circle of friends people are either married,committed or are meeting prospective grooms. My circle of friends is also not so big that new people keep coming in. And above all, let's suppose that I do meet a girl - Am I ready to fall into love? I don't think so. Its not that I haven't been able to put White out of my life. The thing is I am kind of exhausted from my last relationship to get into a new one.

- And the third things is my friend Rib getting engaged. He went for arranged-marriage. He met a couple of girls and then found one to be nice and compatible. The parents met. They were happy. Rib and the girl Dit are going through a courtship-period and now they are so much into love that no one can say that their marriage is an arranged one. I know things cannot be as rosy for everyone but at least there's hope. I always used to say that arranged-marriage is like a game of probability where the chances of winning is 50%. But isn't that true for love-marriage. You are in love with a girl but when you start your married life, it might be totally different. At least in arranged-marriage if you are on the losing 50% side you can make an extra effort to compromise and reduce the damage. Stupid logic,I know, but these things are just to convince myself.

So, the search has started and I scored my first runs today and after today's day of play I am still not "bowled-out". The meeting was interesting. The tiny little creatures that you see in the garden, sitting on flowers were hovering around in my stomach before meeting the girl. It was just like a debutante facing his first delivery in cricket. After middling a few balls ( read a few minutes of chatting) I grew in confidence. We talked for two hours. And thankfully it was not like the question-answer sessions where you ask about hobbies, music, food etc. We generally talked. It was an okay chit-chat but somehow I didn't find .. umm how do i say ..well in terms of physics it wasn't a constructive interference ( in simple words it wasn't a harmony). Later on my parents asked me about my meeting and I had a real tough time explaining to them that even though the girl was nice, she isn't what I am looking for. For all of you who haven't gone through the process let me tell you this is the tough part where you got to explain to your parents why you didn't like the girl/boy. But thats's not it. The toughest part is saying "No". I find it real hard to say no to people even for small things in life. How do you say no to a girl or her parents. I really feel bad for the girl. This is cruel. You meet a guy and later on the guy says no. I am sure that doesn't leave you with the happiest of feelings. Maybe, that's how things happen on this side of the fence. I feel like saying sorry for saying "no". :(

Anyway, let's see what else life has in store and what new lessons it teaches me.

Among other things, 2009 is turning out to be a decent year. I am doing a lot of road-trips. My first trip was to Jaisalmer. We did 940 kms in eleven and half hours!!! What a drive it was through the desert. Next, we did a road-trip from Delhi to Mumbai in a Scorpio. Two of my friends flew from Mumbai to just be a part of the road-trip. We started on a Saturday and reached Udaipur the same night. Interesting thing was the hotel we stayed-in was the same one which was used in MTV roadies :P. Anyway we reached Mumbai on Sunday night.

Whenever I go to Mumbai there is a long list of people whom I have to meet. This time my flight back to Delhi was on Monday evening. So it was not possible to meet everyone. And if I am in Mumbai and I am not meeting my favourite e-friend Moo, I know I am dead. So met Moo on Monday, we went to Strand book fair where I bought lots and lots of books and a few Asterix & Obelix at discounted price. Such book fairs are so enticing that the best way to describe my feeling is -orgasmic. And if your partner in crime is someone as well read as Moo you are in for a treat. Next, Moo treated me with some awesome steaks in Colaba. This was our second meeting, but every time you meet this girl its like you have been knowing each-other for ages. No initial long-pauses, no looking at plates o playing with straws. Straight away you are into a deep conversation on a topic as weird as " have you listened to this ring tone where this Aunty is cursing a hair-dresser ...... @##$%% " . I had a lovely time with Moo. People, if you really want a de-stressing lunch full of weird conversations where you laugh your lungs out, catch hold of her.

Anyway, my next trip was to Jaipur for Rib's engagement. This was followed by a trip to Jim-Corbett where we, obviously, didn't spot a tiger on jungle safari.

Job-hunt is still on. Looks like my passion for Internet -media will have to wait till these troubled times are over.

Other updates some other time.

P.S - I am planning to start a photo-blog. I hope I don't take as much time in starting it as I do in updating this blog. This blog won't be with this anon id.

Till then, today's song is from the movie Fiddler on the Roof :)

Matchmaker, Matchmaker,

Make me a match,

Find me a find,

catch me a catch

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

Look through your book,

And make me a perfect match